Helping Foster Youth Navigate the Holidays

As difficult as having holiday stress yourself, it tends to be worse for foster youths. Helping them navigate the holidays brings skills that they can use throughout the year.

This time of year brings stress to most of the population. Buying toys, whether it’s for Christmas or Hanukah. Preparing for parties or meals. Squeezing extra tasks into your already busy schedule.

But what about foster youth; how do they handle the holidays?

It can be complicated.

A foster youth, whether they live with a resource family or in a residential facility, are not with their biological family. Their contact with their family could range from consistent to sporadic to non-existent. Although families of foster youth lost their child due to abuse, neglect, or violence, they are still the youth’s family. Family holiday traditions, even if sparse, still are strong memories for the youth. When youths grow up, they associate love and holidays with their family. Even though they received abusive and traumatic experiences.

Foster youths tend to feel empty when the holidays come. They miss their family connections. And although foster family agencies have celebrations and spend countless hours rounding up toys, it’s still not the same.

Yet the holidays can be big teaching moments for youths if clinicians and support staff plan for it.

Foster youths tend to experience loss in general. Because they are away from families, unsure if or when they return, they have to address this loss. And nowhere does it show up more than in the holidays. Even if they get passes or visits, they still end up back in their placement.

This is why the holidays can tend to be a busy time for problems. Running away. Drug use. Aggressive behavior. Self-injurious behavior.

Rather than a practitioner putting on a happy face and ignoring the youth’s feelings, it is precisely their feelings that need to find expression. Allowing foster youth to feel the sadness, depression, anger at this time gets them to express their inner turmoil.



Options for the feeling of emotions depend upon the youth’s preferences. Sports enthusiasts need physical exertion through athletic activities and exercise. Artists use their painting, craft making, drawing, music, or rap poetry. A group process is a great place for youths to share and hear others in a similar place and also experiencing loss.

Even sitting with youth who’s visibly upset and letting them vent. Being there with them. Listening and not trying to tell them to stop. These skills the youth learns to teach themselves healthy means to express feelings.

The next time you see a youth storm out of a room at the holidays, they’re most likely expressing feeling something due to their holidays' losses. And being there to listen improves their skills in coping with trauma, grief and loss, and stress. Skills they will need throughout their life.

Foster Adopt offers five tips to help foster youth get through the holidays.

Praxes offer training courses for foster family agencies and residential facilities.  For more information, please contact us.